Not lost, not alone

Sometimes the days seem to follow each other too quickly. I feel like I’m running on a barrel, trying to keep up so I don’t fall down. No time for rest, no time for peace.

Diapers need changing and food needs to be cooked. Appointments and lunches and chickens in dirty coops..

I feel lost in the busyness, alone in the crowd. Doesn’t matter how many great friends I have, how many people I see and things I do.

God seems silent and I got nothing when I read my bible. I ask Him to talk, but He waits.

Waits until I make room, time in my life and my heart.

A song, a lyric, a note, a thought, slowly I wander back. I want more, because i like the feeling of being found.

It brings peace and joy, if I stay by His side.

He talks to me and I hear Him again. My days are not random beads on a string that’s too full of them. There’s rest and hope and a reason, even though the busyness might be the same. He creates space where I saw none.

Peace and love and kindness where there were none.

[…]

How to be patient when you have no talent for it

We had a very busy weekend a few weeks ago. We were gone all day, at a crowded place where the children could not nap properly. I ran after our tired, sweaty little boys, trying to eat some food of my plate that I carried around, while other adults were sitting down and eating their food in glorious ease. Usually, I feel quite sorry for myself on occasions such as this.

However, to my surprise I was contented and patient! As this does not come naturally to me at all, it shocked me more then a little.

I explained to myself that it must be because I had put my mind to it. I had prepared myself that it would be unlikely that I could sit at the table for longer then 5 minutes. And so I was ok with it being so!

I continued in this very agreeable train of thought for several minutes. But then a gentle nudging disturbed me.

I had the impression that God was trying to tell me something. He spoke quietly, persistantly to my heart until I understood: I had nothing whatsoever to do with this patience. He had given […]