The end of the day

The day is done.

The house is a mess.

Duplo blocks tell the story of three little boys who built spaceships. Little socks, they kept chubby little feet warm. I’m too tired to clean up, I need sleep. Too empty and ?aimless to sleep. Too tired to take a shower, my preferred method of ‘shut down mode’. ?Life is pointless. I don’t feel like tomorrows. I don’t know why I was so excited this morning. About a clean kitchen ?counter. And raisin bread. Who cares about clean kitchen counters and raisin bread anyway?

It could get me down for the rest of the day, the rest of the week. But today, it doesn’t.

Inside I know, beneath the aimless, floundering feeling…this too shall pass. No need to make it into a bigger deal then it is. I am tired. I need sleep. A new day shall dawn.

I do think the dawning day would be nicer to start in a clean(er) house, so I give myself 30 minutes for emergency cleanup. I would lie awake for 30 minutes worrying about the mess anyway. Nothing lost.

Dishes, clutter, clothes, kefir, those spots on the floor. Partly cleaned up looks so […]

My grandmother’s pictures

Mike’s grandmother passed away this week. It makes us think and stand still. Thinking about life, now and in eternity.

I wrote about it at Since it’s Dutch there I put the translation up here.

The picture is not of my grandmother, because I didn’t have one right here. My mom-in-law is a dear and let me use one of hers. Not as long ago as my grandmother’s pictures, but still vintage 😉 And yes, she was and is really beautiful. Inside AND outside 🙂

I like looking at my grandmother?s old pictures. She?s young and she wears a dress. On another picture you see her in her nurses uniform. I always get melancholy.

You can see that life is smiling at her. She?s got her whole life ahead of her. She didn?t know how it would go, but she was eager to get started. It was still so long, so much. It stretched in front of her like a lazy country road with twists and turns she couldn?t see around, but she knew the road went on beyond them.

I know how it went. She was a nurse first, and later on she got married. With her […]

Driving in my car

The title of this post is inspired by the song ‘Driving in my car’ from Mother Goose club, that I have heard about…oh…let’s say 9 billion times.?It haunts me in my sleep. I got my permit to drive when we lived in New Mexico, when I was 16 years old. Just a few months before I could get my licence, we moved back to Belgium. So I had to start all over. I will say nothing about how totally unfair it was, since my brother and sister had got their license by driving to and from the gas station down the road from the ‘exam center’. And their licence was traded in for a Belgian one with no problem. They were even allowed to drive a truck.?I will not mention the fact that my sister learned to drive automatic ?in the states, and that in Belgium people drive stick shift. Therefore, she got a licence but couldn’t drive. I will say nothing about all that.? But there you had it. Me, the poor middle child or somewhere in the middle anyway, had to start all over. I did my theoretical exam and since my boyfriend was 8 years older […]

When the day starts off grumpy

This is an old piece from my journal. Back when Caleb was still a small sleeping baby that couldn’t crawl. An eternity ago. But the days aren’t all that different. Some start well, others start of on an off note but end pretty beautifully.

Today started of extremely lousy. And rotten.

Caleb ate at 4:30, and wouldn’t go back to sleep. As we all know, that translates into me not being able to sleep either. Not being able to sleep really stresses me out. Stress makes me really mean.

So I got mean at about 5:30 and by 6 I had lost it. I dumped him in the middle of the bed, but a little more to his daddy’s side. And I got up to take a shower. A long, hot shower.

When I came out out I very self-sacrificially went downstairs, mostly because I did not want to lie down in bed and talk to my husband, because I don’t feel like talking when grumpy. When I am grumpy or tired, do not touch, do not speak, do not suggest, do not talk, do not. Just don’t.

So I went down to make oatmeal while contemplating about how […]

The end of the series, but not of the journey

Well, that was that. I didn’t write 31 days, but that’s absolutely fine, because I say so. As I daily tell Abel ‘Mama is the boss’.

I started way back, and I’ve ended up where I am now. So I will keep on going from here, about where I am and where I’m going.

I do hope you’ll stick around. That would be fun, I think.

I will probably be posting a little something about twice a week. And if I don’t, you’ll see. By which I mean, you won’t see anything, and you’ll see that.

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