Being small

Being small
From the time that we are very small, we long to be very big.

Dads and moms and teachers say, or at least it is generally thought to be desirable that they say, we are important and unique and special.

And then we get bigger and we see we are just small dots. Dots among dots, like sand at the beach.

We are not inclined to feel grateful for that feeling.

So we stand on a platform. We swing our arms around. And they walk right on by.

We sigh a deep sigh and wave our arms around halfheartedly before sitting down despondently.

Grains of sand accept they are part of the whole, they won’t be put on a pedestal to be admired above all the other grains of sand on the beach, but we don’t accept our fate so easily.

We want to be seen. Preferably alone. The numbers of admirers are never quite enough. We feel out, despite the high numbers some of us manage to accumulate.

As if there is an elite in-group, and if you can only be part of and call out their admiration, that it will fill all the empty places, the vague and passionate longings that live deep inside us. We climb and if we are lucky, we are allowed to enter this elite group only to discover it isn’t as elite as we had though.

As if there is a King of Pedestals, and as if we’ll only feel loved, seen and happy if we can stand on it.

We climb on, seeking for more elite. For something where we are ‘in’.

We climb higher, seeking the King of Pedestals. Somewhere we’ll be seen.

With each step we separate ourselves further from what we wanted at first, and maybe even had.

From people around us, who sit beside us when we just can’t anymore.
From silence and getting to know ourselves.
From seeing the people around us, and beauty that surrounds us.

And so we walk away from ourselves.

Until one day, we come soaring down with a glorious thud, and we are so grateful that the people we love are still there, and our brains are still capable of thinking quiet thoughts.

For a silent song, and a glance at a daisy.

We return to the God who was with us all along, and always will be. And we are glad to be small.

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