When the day starts off grumpy

This is an old piece from my journal. Back when Caleb was still a small sleeping baby that couldn’t crawl. An eternity ago. But the days aren’t all that different. Some start well, others start of on an off note but end pretty beautifully.

Today started of extremely lousy. And rotten.

Caleb ate at 4:30, and wouldn’t go back to sleep. As we all know, that translates into me not being able to sleep either. Not being able to sleep really stresses me out. Stress makes me really mean.

So I got mean at about 5:30 and by 6 I had lost it. I dumped him in the middle of the bed, but a little more to his daddy’s side. And I got up to take a shower. A long, hot shower.

When I came out out I very self-sacrificially went downstairs, mostly because I did not want to lie down in bed and talk to my husband, because I don’t feel like talking when grumpy. When I am grumpy or tired, do not touch, do not speak, do not suggest, do not talk, do not. Just don’t.

So I went down to make oatmeal while contemplating about how awful this day was going to be. I tried memorizing Philipians 4, but the verses did not speak to me. And so it came to pass that by the time Mike came down, I was still just as grumpy as before. And I triumphantly thought ‘see? reading or memorizing bible verses does not do any good’.

To that we must say ‘duh’. If we’re going to be doing it with an attitude, it’s predestined to fail.

Breakfast was a silent and sad affair, and Mike was right in saying I was wallowing, but he shouldn’t have said it because it brought out the fury which I had been succesfully stiffling to a mean glare instead of shouting or slamming a door.

I know. I’m real proud of myself, too. What a show of self-control.

Then Mike went up, and I started?behaving. For some reason I wait until he’s gone to start behaving because it is embarrasing to do ‘an attitude adjustment’ while he is there. It makes me feel vulnerable and ridiculous. I am too proud to enjoy feeling vulnerable and ridiculous.

So he went up and I put on a song and Abel behaved and played. Later, Gabriel came down and they played, and when they started fighting I closed my laptop and put away the envelopes on which I was writing adresses…on the birth announcements I am sending out 4 weeks after the fact. I know, real smooth.

But so I sat down and read them from a cute new children’s bible I bought, and I did not rush through.

I read every single word, even though I knew it was above their level. I thought about Gretchen’s post about the importance of reading, and language, and went with the story and the rythm of the words. I loved it.

I may have used The Evil Glare to keep abel from interruping me while reading, but very sweetly allowed him to fire away after each page. (He interrupts after each word, with questions about each letter and each pixel in the drawing)

I read them 4 bible stories, and they. Sat. Quietly. Marvelously.

After 4, I was dizzy and I stopped, but Abel wanted more.

I loved that fact. He’s growing up, my little bulldozer. He can pay attention, the little hurricane. He can sit quiet, the little bouncing ball on legs!

After lunch, we all had naps, and they napped long, delightful naps.?After naps, we made supper, and the two big boys chopped potatoes with knives, and loved it. I enjoyed it.

I also enjoyed the reading. And the nap. So that’s 3 things. Apparently this day was not all evil.