what I need

what I need
I’m paid with a price. But He’ll relinquish me if I want to be relinquished.
I can walk away and He’ll let me go.

I don’t, because I want to be bought.
I want to be bought back and saved and made into me.

The me He had in mind when He was creating my soul.

Because I don’t always know who I am, and what I should do.
I don’t always know who I want to be, and what I want to do.
And sometimes I am who I don’t want to be and I do what I don’t want to do, not knowing how to stop.

But the one who made me and bought me when I fell into the wrong hands, He knows how to lead me back to the one I should be.

He holds me close to His heart, so close I can hear it beating, and shows me who I can be.

I stay and I trust and I feel the water wash of the grime I didn’t even know was there.

For a second, it feels like He is the cause of the dirt washing up. I consider just turning my back on His washing and His sculpting and exposing all my fears and imperfections.

To leave it like it is because it’s easier and cleaner and I’m fine, everything is all right.

I stay.

And then the dirty water is gone and I find I’ve been washed.

I see a clearer now. I see who I am, the way He sees me.
I see who I am when I don’t accept His grace, who I become when I look away from His face.

I see who I am, without everything I like to add on to myself in an effort to be more.

It’s refreshing and relieving and I can breathe and live and feel hope.

I will always stay.
With the one who bought me, the one who owns me.

It is not a bad thing to be owned by Him, just as it is not a bad thing to be owned by a newborn baby. A baby who requires your energy and your time and your love and your service and who grows you into someone you didn’t know was there.

It is not a bad thing to be the one who needs His love and His time and His energy and His life.
To be the branch that is grafted into the vine, even when you get pruned.

To surrender and find you’ve received something more beautiful.
Something that you could never have bought.

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