A few days ago an interview about being a stay-at-home-mom came on the dutch website Het Moederfront. Because Celeste asked, here is the english translation with many thanks to my friend Meredith who did a terrific job at translating. Thanks!
Naomi (26) studied nursing. After a quick and difficult pregnancy, she remained home fulltime with her child. Naomi is married to Mike and they have three children together.
Was it an easy or difficult decision to become a fulltime mom??
I never considered the combination of working and motherhood, so it was definitely an easy decision.
I used to be a Mennonite. This might have played a role in my choice to be a stay at home mom. Every mother stays at home with the children in the Amish Mennonite community where I grew up.
On the other side, I probably would have done it anyway. Even before we became Mennonite my mom stayed home with us. And ultimately, she?s been my inspiration for doing the same.:)
Would you mind briefly sharing something about being a Mennonite??
A few months before I was born my parents became Evangelical?Christians. When I was 7 we visited the Amish Mennonites, who had a mission in West Flanders. After I turned 9 we became members of their community and moved to the mission.
As far as faith goes, it was more or less along the same lines as Evangelical Christianity, the exception being that they took some things (Biblical texts) literally that Evangelicals don?t. That?s why they believe that women shouldn?t wear trousers because trousers were initially designed for men; women also wear head coverings.
And so we wore long, simple dresses without any design or patterns, a head covering; the men wore suspenders and collarless dress shirts. A mustache was highly frowned upon because it radiated a military air, and the Amish Mennonites are pacifists.
Time with family is important
Amish Mennonites are more liberal than the Old-Order Amish, who don?t have cars or electricity. They attach a lot of significance to the family, and families spend a lot of time together. Boys quit school at 14 so they can work with their fathers. Girls remain home to learn to run the household.
What?s more is that they also really prioritize spending time daily, as a family, to pray, sing, and read the Bible together. Above all they work with their hands. Several have their own construction business, carpentry business, gardening/landscaping service, and breed animals. So from early on I was busy helping out in the home. That also included taking care of my 4 younger brothers and sisters who ranged between 9 and 14 years younger than me. On our little farm we did all the work together and had our schooling at home.
Did you as for advice?
It never occurred to me to ask for advice. I don?t think that was a surprise to anyone. Anyone who knows me, knows that my plan had always been to be a stay at home mom. My husband?s friends and family also knew that he really wanted a wife who would remain home.
How does your husband feel about it? What was his role in the decision making process?
He had always hoped to find a wife who would want to stay home with the children. According to him that was the perfect solution. His mother had also stayed and home, and he really enjoyed it.
Did you draw up a new division of duties?
I stayed home as soon as we got married, so the division of duties didn?t really change.?However, I?m definitely not the only one running the household. I have fibromyalgia and have never been all that physically strong or energetic. Three pregnancies and kids haven?t really improved that situation.
I cook and clean, but every two weeks we also have some extra help from a cleaning service. I do the laundry and normally get around to the ironing; I take care of the cooking too. After a meal I?m happiest if my husband occupies the kids, so that I can clean up in peace. We do most shopping together. I think that taking the kids to school and dropping them off is a job we share equally.
Have you both made any calculations to see if your choice to stay at home if financially feasible?
Actually, we approach it from a different angle.
I stay home; it?s not really up for debate.
We take that as our point of departure for making (life) choices based on our financial state of affairs. So we don?t take (luxury) vacations, have a simple secondhand car, and we rarely buy new clothes for me or the boys. I?m a big fan of thriftstores. 😉
How do you feel about being financially dependent on your partner??
It doesn?t bother me. He?s just as dependent on me to take care of the kids, prepare the meals, and so on.
Do you ever think that you might participate in the ?working world??
I doubt it, but of course you can?t be 100% sure. On the on hand we are considering homeschooling, which would make it impossible for me to work outside of the home. On the other, I always want to be there for them at home, even if they keep going to school. I want to be there for them when they leave, come back, are sick, have exams, and for any other imaginable circumstance that might pop up.
Personally I really appreciated having my mom always be there. I want my kids to have that to. I?ll probably take part in more volunteer work once they?re older, which I always enjoy doing.
As a stay at home mom, what do you see as your biggest challenge??
Exhaustion. I have a really hard time keeping up with all the household chores when I don?t get enough sleep. On top of that I have 3 children tugging on my skirt. I always have the feeling that my day is chock full of activities, but that I don?t get anything done.
Since we?re home all day, the house gets dirtier and more cluttered than it does for those who work outside the home and are only home in the evening. So really I?m constantly busy with tidying up and cleaning, but you don?t see if for long. The dishes also pile up quickly if you?re at home all day.
Sometimes I think an ordinary job might be nice, so that I could get a ton of work done and experience the satisfaction of actually completing something.;)
The first years of being a stay at home mom were difficult for me
Those first years of being a stay at home mom were really trying for me. I had such high expectations, but I was incredibly bored and irritable. I felt like I could never do what I enjoyed and that nothing was every finished.
These days I feel like I?ve found my rhythm and can accept that I really enjoy some things, but others not so much. And that?s O.K.
There are some chores that I really just don?t like
Many of the chores that you?re responsible for as a stay at home mom I really don?t enjoy. However, I highly doubt that many people can say that that they think every aspect of their job is the bees? knees.
- Tidying up
- Cooking,
- Cleaning,
- Brushing teeth
- Changing diapers,
- Ironing,
- Being patient with the kids…
I don?t enjoy any of them.
What?s the best thing about being a fulltime mom??
I get to see the tiny changes, get to see how they develop. I don?t have any trouble keeping them home from school if they?re a little tired or sick. It seems incredibly stressful to try and work outside the home and maintain a household. To both come home tired and still have to invest energy in spending time with the kids, cooking, etc.
I like having supper ready when my husband gets home, and enjoying the times we can spend together.
Things that bring me pleasure:
- watching the kids hop around
- playing with the Duplo together
- painting together
- baking
- taking a family walk
- noticing that I?ve made progress in learning patience
- stacks of folded, ironed clothing, neatly placed in the cupboards
- blogging
- crafting
- reading
- enjoying the sight of a clean floor
- visiting my sister-in-law for a cup of tea while the kids buzz around us playing
- hearing the kids giggle hysterically at their own silly jokes
- the delighted face of my youngest boy when I pick him up out of bed or when he walks over to me, so proud of himself, with those first uncertain and wobbly steps.
- good food…
?
Could you describe what a typical day as a stay at home mom looks like for you??
The weeks here are fairly variable. Our two oldest normally go to school every day until noon. Sometimes they go for a full day, but I?ve noticed that they can?t behave themselves quite as well because they?re so tired. Then I have trouble coping. So for the sake of everyone?s sanity it?s better for them to come home in the afternoon and nap for a bit, or at least lay quietly in their beds. My four-year-old doesn?t sleep as much anymore, but still has to lay in bed.
So during the week I bring them every morning to school. I go back home to clean up the morning?s mess, as long as the youngest isn?t being too clingy.
After that the youngest goes down for a nap and I take care of the laundry, dishes, and I go to pick up some fresh milk. I make yogurt, write, read, do volunteer work, pay the bills online, sew, run errands, catch up on sleep if it was a really rough night, or I pass my sister?s or sister-in-law?s place. That or they come visit me.
Before you know it it?s time to pick the boys up again. So I pick them up, and if I?m home alone, also get the youngest out of bed to come along. If my husband?s working from home and the baby?s still sleeping, then he can stay home in bed. Once we?re back home, we eat lunch and then it?s time for the boys to go down for nap.
I stay downstairs with the youngest and try to tidy up a bit, and then get back to doing some more of the same things I listed earlier.
Around 4 or 5 p.m. I get started cooking supper, during which I often shoo the kids outside for a little while. After supper we clean up. Often I do that and clean the kitchen floor while Daddy watches a video with the boys. And then it?s bedtime!
How do you feel about the government policy that stresses employment??
It?s a shame that they can?t think more ‘out of the box’.
It?s plain fact that it?s good for a child to be able to count on his or her mom. Everything doesn?t have to revolve around the economy and money.
And they don?t need to concern themselves about my social life or personal development. If they took the time to spend a year at home, they they?d discover that it doesn?t have to be problematic.
How do you manage with social interaction?
I?m lucky, my sister and sister-in-law are also stay at home moms. I used to live closer to my sister, but last year we moved and now I live closer to my sister-in-law. I see them often and consider them my best friends. If you look for them, you?ll find quite a few moms who stay home.
How do you ‘recharge’??
I really love to read and write, usually with a cup of tea, a piece of chocolate, my journal and my Bible. Or I read one of the many books I have on the shelf. I also enjoy sewing and crafting my own cards.
One of the most frequent arguments for employment is that it allows for ongoing personal development. How do you experience development as a stay at home mom?
Oh please! I think that being a stay at home mom has changed me an unbelievable amount! I?m confronted by the worst in myself, and am forced to a better person for my children and my husband. What?s more is that I?ve acquired all kinds of skills.
Finances: I?m appallingly bad at them, but I?ve still got to learn. Sewing, meal planning, cooking with a baby on my back and another child hanging on the baby. In the future I?ll gain extra knowledge by helping the kids with their homework (I?ll finally get to learn French). And as your kids grow and change, you change and learn along with them. Plenty of development.
You have a blog: why did you get started with it?
I?m crazy about writing. That?s the best way for me to process and express myself. What?s more is that I want to be an encouragement to others. So many things remain unsaid and so many people feel alone. I also get a lot out of different blogs, especially that ?Oh, I?m not alone!? feeling is helpful. And I enjoy seeing how others have grown and learned. It?s something I really want to share with others.
How do you see your future??
As an extension of the present. I believe that God has a plan with everyone?s life and I?m curious to see which way He wants me to go.
What has motherhood taught me?
Being a mom has taught me that life is not always sunshine and happy bunnies, that sometimes it?s just plain irritating. There are things you have to do that you really don?t want to. Again, and again and again. It?s also taught me to look for the beauty in the little things, to be creative when carrying out otherwise boring tasks.
Being a mom has shown me that I?m actually terribly self-absorbed, and has taught me rather persistently and radically how I need to put others first. It?s taught me how to say I?m sorry; it?s taught me humility. It?s taught me to forgive others and to love others for who they are, to give them space to grown and be who they are.
Being a mom has shown me how God loves me, and how wondrous He?s woven everything together. How much patience He has and how wonderful everything is, even the less beautiful things, because he can turn it into something good.
It?s still a long learning process, but I?m actually really looking forward to it.
Thanks for putting this on here. 🙂
xxx
Prachtig om te lezen!