She’s standing in the corner, smiling shyly.
Looking at the others, wishing she was them. Wishing she could just be there, too. She’s walking the school halls, giggling and talking, seeming quite sure of herself.
She’s in so many places.
The girl who fears she’s not enough. ?School is stressy and peer pressure even more so. Life is busy and grades are hard to get, although not quite as hard as getting friends.
One thing she can control??Her weight. You compliment her for losing weight, she smiles and nods and remembers it.
Next time at the table? She only eats a few bites. Saturday after McDonald’s??She throws that up when she gets home.
Someone else wows her on the weight loss. She remembers it all. The approval is nice. Feeling like she ‘belongs’. For once. Feeling like she’s capable. She can accomplish something. And so she continues to stand on the scale several times a day. The one thing she is sure she’ll get approval for. It’s addicting.
Next time you see she’s lost weight? Think twice before assuming that losing weight is always a good thing.
It isn’t always.
Linking up with lisajobaker.com for Five Minute Friday?
[…]
This morning I woke up at 3:30 and I couldn’t fall back asleep. So after almost 2 hours of ?tossing and turning, I got up and made myself a little cup of tea (see below), started my day of with the Father, and wrote Five Minute Friday in my dear journal.
I’ll type it out in case you can’t read it 😉
“…Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning. Great and abundant is Your faithfulness.” Lam. 3: 22-23
Like the clean, creamy pages of my beloved journal. New. Like the rosebud that will open today. A new, fresh rose.
His mercy is new EVERY morning! That means it’s like manna. I’m not to worry that I used it all yesterday. There’s a new batch today!
His kindness is new every morning. Although I’m freaking out about today, about a whole day with 2 little boys, after a night of 2,5 hours sleep and no patience. His compassion is new today.
Today I want to throw myself in His care, on His mercy. I want to have faith that He’ll be there. Let Him speak, […]
Abel running into Worship at TeenStreet last year. He’ld just learned how to walk and we couldn’t keep him out of there! I grew up with a reverent, silent kind of worship. You know, the kind where you are very quiet and talk in whispers the moment you get out of the car at church on Sunday morning.It was very normal to me, it was good and I liked it that way.
So I was quite shocked at the first ever praise evening I attended. There was music! Loud! Lights! Songs that repeated themselves! People lifting their hands up! People (I’ll say it very quietly so as not to shock you to much)?dancing! ?Well, they were swaying their hips anyway!
I married a wise man who was and is very patient and loving and kind and puts up with my?prejudices. Sometimes he grins a little. Sometimes he might even snort. But for the most part he’s very sweet.?Giving me time to get over myself and get over my pre-conceived notions of how life works.
Then when I find out that that’s not exactly how it is, he usually refrains from saying ‘I told you so’ and just makes do […]
I step into the water feeling big.
Excited and keeping my cool, acting tough, I walk into the icy cold water, laughing at my husband and sister-in-law who are still standing in the shallow parts, not willing to go under into the freezing wetness.?Dipping my head under the water just enough to get my goggles in the water, I float, high enough that my tube for oxygen stays in the air.
The last time I went snorkeling it was magical. The sun sparkled and I felt like a mermaid swimming?in the midst of a school of fish. Almost touching them.?This time, the sun isn’t shining.?I see fish, corals and seaweed floats evasively between it, but the water is dark and menacing this time.
All at once I stop. The ground opened up to show a deep gash. And I’m terrified. Like something will grab me.?Not so big and cool anymore, I shiver and wait for Mike to reach me. He wants me to touch the yellow buoy.
We swim over, but I have to make myself. Something about the dark, deep gashes scares me to death. I touch the yellow floaty thing and swim back like my life depends on […]
He makes a trust fall forward.
Jumps into my arms while I wasn’t expecting it.
It scares me, the way he trusts me. I don’t feel very grownup yet, myself. So why does he look to me to do and know everything? Who thought this would be a good idea, giving me a kid? A strong willed one, at that. At times I don’t know what to do. But I just realized that my little boy told me.
Just jump into my Father’s arms and He’ll take it from there.
Unlike me, a failing human being, He is perfect and He will always be there. I won’t always feel it. But I will always know it. Because that’s what faith is. I want to chose to have faith even in the really confusing moments of motherhood…or rather, personhood. To jump anyway. And know He will catch me and carry me and hold me and always, always love me.
Sometimes I might even sink when I look down at the water like Peter did. But even then He will hold out His hand. And even when I deny Him He will give me more chances and ask me ‘Do you love […]
I’m here for you.
Always.
~God~
I don’t really need 5 minutes for this.
The sun is shining, white fluffy clouds are up in the sky.
We went to the playground and ran around.
I cleaned the house (!)
And through it all, He was here. And He is telling me that tomorrow, He’ll be here to. With me. Even if I freak out about what to wear or cook or pack for the church weekend. Or about the spilled food or the kitchen floor that will most likely be dirty again by tonight. He’ll be here and His love is enough.
Isn’t that like totally awesome?
Linking up with Lisajobaker.com for Five Minute Friday
After we move to Minnesota everything will be better. After we move back to Belgium I will read my bible every day. After Gabri?l stops waking up at night I will be happier and more rested. After the summer starts we will be more relaxed. When I am older I will be more patient.
When the bread is done baking I will take time to play with Abel.
When I’ve been going to church here for a longer time I will know everybody and then maybe I will be more involved and talk to people and feel more at home. When this day is over I will snap out of my grumpy mood,?when the laundry is caught up and the house is clean I will be more peaceful.
But it is now that counts.
If I don’t take time now, when will it be? If I don’t stop behaving like a 6 year old now, when will I, and how many words will I have said by the time I stop that I will lie awake about in nights to come?
The only after I want to think about is the after this life. The eternity we will spend […]
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