The D-day in which nothing happens

I’m going psycho. I’m 40 weeks pregnant and I need to not be pregnant anymore.

I need to be able to wear pretty dresses, because it’s an important part of life.

I need to be able to move. Like a human, not a robot.

I need to be able to sleep without getting kicked away at. From the inside.

I need…

Well…you get it.

And really…I’ve been praying about it. Really seriously. I have prayed and asked for this baby to be born already. Like, 3 weeks ago. And it’s been an on repeat prayer, too.

How hard is it for God, who created everything and everybody, to let this baby be born? I ask for bread and I get a stone, that’s what it feels like.

But then the buts come in.

I am reminded of some words I read, not sure where. Pregnancy brain here. Don’t judge.

Anyway. The words in their exact order I have forgotten, but the message I have not. I’m great like that.

It went something like this:

‘Have I grasped all the gifts God gives me greedily? Have I giddily been enjoying the gifts, and not thanking the giver?’

And now, when He does not give me something I ask for, I pout and grumble.

I decided that I should stop the kid act and start acting like a grownup. Which I sometimes pretend to be.

Because…

God is so much bigger then this.

If it would have been better for His name and His kingdom for this baby to be born already, or even better for me myself and I, well, I am fairly certain that this baby would have been born already.

But it hasn’t.

So that must mean that it’s fine this way. I am not feeling fine, but it is fine. Maybe for no reason whatsoever. Maybe because God does have a great big purpose for it. Or a small little reason.Whichever it is, I’m going to trust HIm.

*Disclaimer: this does not mean that I will be happily skipping around. This does not mean you will not get a really mean and dirty look if you ask me ‘and, hasn’t it been born yet?’

Neither does it guarantee you will be alive after requesting me to ‘wait for my birthday, because that would be fun’.

It just means I will try to be nice.

“Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why are you disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise HIm, the help of my countenance and my God. Psalm 43:5”