And then there were three

9 Months of waiting. 9 Months takes forever and then some.

I whine and cry and I try to stay strong. I try to tell myself 9 monthys is not all that long. The last days are another 9 months and the ones I go overdue are an eternity.

I wait for the ?pain, welcome it when it comes. I must be masochistic. Ecstatic when the contractions comes, I want to take it all back when he doesn’t want to turn and I can’t push him out. I don’t want contractions and I don’t want a baby and I. want. this. baby. out.

Then the moment we’ve waited for comes. 9 Months we’ve waited for this: a little perfect human being slips out, slips into our world and our lives. It’s a new little life that never was before. It looks at me with dark, blinking little eyes. I hold it close and welcome it.

CALEB THEODORE

Loyal and brave. And God’s gift. God’s gift of life to us. Why He would trust us with one of His treausres, I sure don’t know.

And then again I do.

Teaching us, leading us by giving us tiny little lives to raise. Showing us how very sinful we are and showing us how powerfully He can work through us. Showing us how He loves us despite all we do wrong just like we still love these little guys of ours. How unbelievably beautiful He finds us. Just like we think our little Caleb is so unbelievably beautiful. Because why would God make someone if He doesn’t think they are beautiful?

Only He never yells at us.

He’s given us another life, teaching us more of His love, offering us more of His patience and telling us we can have His words of life to speak to our three little men, instead of our words that can never be enough. Yes please. I’ll take them. Do help me to speak them, every day.

My little boy smells like new and clean and special. His hair is perfect and shining and soft. He smiles when he is content and he loves to lie close against me. God made him so unbelievably and perfectly awesome. Little nails and a nose and ears and toes and lungs that breathe and hands that discover each other and the world in slow motion. I am everything he needs now and that feels wonderful. He lies in my arms at night and makes nights even nicer.

And God is all I need, in the daytime?when I forget why I ever thought having 3 children was a smart idea. In chaotic moments when my brain stops functioning and in the moments where I am on top of the world because I can handle it all. Nothing can?take any of His love or devotion away.

New days and chances and moments just like this new little life. Fresh and clean and exciting and awesome because that’s the way new things are.