All the little moments of life

Yesterday was a cold but sunny day. We should have gone outside, but we didn’t. And I chose to not feel guilty about it. I can go outside tomorrow.

The sun brightened our lives by shining through the windows. It also showed the dirt on the windows, but that’s fine. Since we are moving, the house is meant to be messy and dirty. Never mind that it usually is. Just never mind about that. It’s right now that matters, that’s what.

I had to go to town in the morning, and I got to go all by myself. I listened to Rend Collective and I put it on really, really loud. It was awesome. And then I had to come back and I did it again.

After picking up Abel from school I put both of the little fellas in their beds, and I had an entire hour to cook with no boys hanging on my skirts. It was….awesome. I finally made a recipe from Shauna Niequist’s book ‘Bread and Wine’ that I had gotten a year ago because I dislike cooking. Trina Holden recommended it ?because it talks about the importance of the time we spend around the table, the bonds that are created there… about the importance of cooking, although we all to often brush it aside and just make..something. It sounded like something I needed to read.

I have read a little more then half of the book, and I love it. Shauna makes cooking sound entirely special. There is one recipe in each chapter, and because she first talks about when she had it and why she loves it, it becomes personal and you just want to make it.?They aren’t even that complicated!

I made the ‘Really Simple Cassoulet’ (like I said, not that complicated) and it was totally delicious. Mike said it was delicious, too, so there’s your second opinion.

Just when I was ready with most of it, and it was there, simmering as prescribed, I went to wake up the boys so that they would not sleep until bedtime. They played until suppertime, not angelically, but good enough. Since the food didn’t need my attention I could give it to them, and that was beneficial to the mind frames of everyone involved.

After supper I gave all three of my guys a haircut,?pretty succesfully although not professionally, and nobody died. Also, everyone still has their ears intact. To further uplift my mental state of mind, I counted how much money we save up yearly by not going to the hair dresser, and it was very uplifting indeed. (I don’t particularly love cutting hair, especially when it involves little boys that make huge drama of hair getting in their mouth..after wiping it in themselves…)

All in all, this was a good day of finding joy in the little things. I look forward to doing it tomorrow. I need to enjoy this time in my life, whether I like it or not, and I need to slow down time with the weight of being in it, even though I would rather it rush on with or without me…preferably without, usually.

Because really, really and truly, what if I only had 2 more months to live? And really…how do I know I have more? And what if I would just spend those two months wishing they were over, wishing I were in some other stage in life?

The thing is, these two months, ,these little years, they make a foundation for the later years. I can’t pass them by, have them rush on while just surviving in a fog. These need to be just as intentional.

When Abel gives a delighted giggle after I randomly kiss him, and anounces that I am his friend, I think I don’t mind. I don’t mind slowing down and being all here. Tomorrow after he jumps up and down in a fit because there’s yoghurt on his favorite piece of paper, I might think differently. But I hope and I pray that I will be reminded to be there, to be there in that moment with him and slow it down so that he can think. And so that I can think. So that we can turn it around and make it better together, instead of brushing aside little needs because they are so. exhausting. All of those 121 of them each hour and day.

Tomorrow I pray that I will not find one, not three, but hundreds of delightful moments, even if I have to clean the mess of off them first, before seeing them clearly.

Amen and ?Amen.