The most important thing

I’m not Christlike.?I try to act like Christ on the outside. But it’s not really true. And I’m quite bad at it, at this pretending. And really, how could it be Christlike? I want to know Christ and become like Him but I only read my Bible once a day. And that is?if it’s a good day. I pray here and there, but most of the time, the day has gone by and I realize I haven’t lived closely beside Him all day. I have been living my life all day, and then I pray before going to bed, at the end of that day. Even my good days are often not lived as if God is my all in all, my Father, my best friend, the reason I am alive, the One I am going home to when my life ends. They are lived as if He is an afterthought, a side-thing, a to-do on my list.

If I want to get to know a person, I spend time with that person. I might write letters, I talk, I go to their place, I invite them to mine. If I want to be best friends with someone, I do all of that and then some. If I would want to learn how to play the piano, I would have to practice for hours and hours. If I would want to become a proficient, as Lady Catherine De Bourg says so sweetly? I’d have to practice even more than that.

My husband, the one I am closest to? He is woven throughout my life, extensively and intricately. I talk to him all day, consciously and unconsciously. My days sort of revolve around him.

So I am quite naive to think that reading my bible and praying here and there would make me close to God. Naive and maybe a bit lazy. Allrighty. A lot lazy. Why do I have no problems remembering to watch Pride and Prejudice and Gilmore Girls, but why is it so hard to read my Bible, which is God’s word to me? And pray, which is having a conversation with God?

Or dDon’t I want to become a proficient, say, ?God-lover, Jesus-follower?

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