How to be patient when you have no talent for it

We had a very busy weekend a few weeks ago. We were gone all day, at a crowded place where the children could not nap properly. I ran after our tired, sweaty little boys, trying to eat some food of my plate that I carried around, while other adults were sitting down and eating their food in glorious ease.
Usually, I feel quite sorry for myself on occasions such as this.

However, to my surprise I was contented and patient! As this does not come naturally to me at all, it shocked me more then a little.

I explained to myself that it must be because I had put my mind to it. I had prepared myself that it would be unlikely that I could sit at the table for longer then 5 minutes. And so I was ok with it being so!

I continued in this very agreeable train of thought for several minutes. But then a gentle nudging disturbed me.

I had the impression that God was trying to tell me something. He spoke quietly, persistantly to my heart until I understood: I had nothing whatsoever to do with this patience. He had given it to me, and it was not me doing my best and succeeding. He had given His patience to me when I needed it because I am His child and I stood and opened my hands to Him, trusting Him to fill them when and how He saw fit. Since me being patient, even when trying ever so hard? Not a chance, really. Just wishful thinking.

I’ve had more moments like this since then. This does not mean I am always patient and kind now…ask anyone that knows me 😉 It doesn’t mean I am magically patient with the boys.
It means that when I place myself close to my Saviour, when I fill my heart and soul with His words, He will speak to me and change me from within.

And although it happens slowly, and I fall every so many times, it does happen.

The greatest thing about it is that He gives me every so many chances, again and again, even when I sometimes deliberatly push Him away and fill myself with rubbish! He quietly calls me back, filling me with His love when I open myself to it and shows me how much fuller and more beautiful life is when I give every thought to Him instead of seeking thoughtless filling.

“I cling to you;
your right hand upholds me.”
Psalms 63:8