Moving on

God always does good, and right. He did this in my life, too. He might not have parted the Red?Sea for me literally, figuratively He did.

He showed me how the village of Struggle was really a nice place. I’d just been naming it wrong. He told me it’s a good place to stay. I’m going to try to see it that way too.

God made everything that ?year work out for good. Every detail He’s used to grow me, to give me strong roots.

Weaving past and present together, He showed me His heart, His attitude, always leading by example so that I can follow.

It’s been slow, it’s going slow, but I take courage from the fact that I don’t cry anymore when Mike leaves for work. I haven’t in a really long time actually.

Everyone has their own story. Their own background. With every story comes struggles. It’s part of being human. Everyone has issues, everyone has uncertainties and things they need to work on. Everyone needs to find out what they think of life, what they will choose to believe, what to live for. The way you were raised influences your thoughts. And so do the people around. My belief was influenced by my upbringing, but I had also chosen for it very consciously, just like others who have been raised the exact same way have chosen not to believe the same way.

And so my belief and being raised Amish-Mennonite and moving 14 years in 26 years have had it’s logical effects on me.

And through processing it all, there was a time that I was mad at my parents because I thought it was their fault. There was a time where I wanted to go back to being Mennonite because that was safe.

There was a time that I wanted to cut away the Mennonite parts of me and pretend it never happened. I tried acting as if I had loved all the moving and then I tried acting like I had hated them all. (Have you figured out yet that?I like being extreme?).

All of those times were places I had to travel through, but not for long. I was meant to pass through them and then come out again to realize…

My past is part of who I am today. And today I am not the same I was in the past. I can’t just take a piece of my current self and piece it together with a piece of my past. I can’t say I am the 16 year old girl I was in New Mexico. Neither can I say that I am not and have never been that girl, or that she didn’t leave anything behind in me and my life.

I had to let go of safe and be brave enough to walk in the now together with my past.?And so, with the help of a counselor, I?accepted that everything in my life made me into who I am now, that some things have to be accepted and that on others, we have to work, that opinions can?change and some opinions may be left behind. That not everyone thinks the same about everything, but that doesn’t make them better or worse per se.
And God is in every place and part of every situation, using it for His glory.

And I re-learned to appreciate how my parents raised me, look back to the memories and love our story again with it’s downs as well as it’s ups.

And I could move on.

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