Where’s the focus?

Life?in this land of Motherhood can be a bit boring and lonely. It happens in other countries as well, but that’s not where I am at the moment.?

Sometimes the monotony gets too much. Raising children is an important task, since they are the next generation. But just like one day at school can feel useless, although you know it will lead to getting your diploma, one day of raising children can feel quite mundane and unimportant.

The days follow each other like beads on a string and sometimes there seems to be no end. Like there never will be another full night and the word ‘sleep’ in has been deleted from all the dictionaries. The laundry keeps on coming, food needs to be cooked, children are hyper and need to be entertained. I asked Mike if we could just have those astronaut packs that you add water to for supper every day, but he said no. And he also wants to wear clean clothes every day. So there’s no solution to the laundry problem OR the food problem.

When those days keep on coming, then I feel invisible sometimes, like I am not part of the useful part of society anymore. All the other moms, now, they are. Because their living room is cleaned up. And their children are preparing for their studies in Law.

I start looking for something that makes me happy. I read things on the internet and even if it’s not an advertisement, the advertising sneeks in or through. Or under.

I don’t even notice, but I’ve started obsesively looking at that new mixer, those nice shoes, that book or that baby carrier. Because she’s got it.?
And that picture looks so pretty. And she’s so full of it. I want it I need it I should have it.

I stop and look around. Surprised, I see that I have a house full of stuff. I must have thought I needed it. Unconciously, I thought my life would be better if I got it. I would be happier and maybe a better housekeeper.

I laugh at myself hartily. There is that scarf. I just had to have it. I barely ever wear it.

Focus.

While doing dishes, or siting with kids piled on top of me, I pray. I pray for my boys, for what is going on in our lives.

I praise God for who He is.

I thank Him for all He does.

The things I wanted, thought I needed, they fade to the background and gain persepective.

I remember that those things do not come to eternity. They stay here. They are fun, useful, not evil at all. Quite awesome, really. Like Sakura Bloom ringslings. Silk ones. But to be obsessed with all the things I want and all the things I think I need??

It’s not really neccesary at all. It won’t make me happier or fill the emptiness inside.

When I put myself in God’s sphere, I remember how amazing He is, how I am really small and how that is actually relieving. How incredibly wonderful it is that He who made the world, the sun, so much more? He knows me, He made me, He picked me. Because we all want to be picked. We want to be picked, to be known.?

And we are.