All in all, life seemed to be to much and too unhappy all the time. We had moved to the middle of nowhere.
I wished I did not have fibromyalgia because I was pretty sure that if I was healthy and not constantly in pain and exhausted, it would be easier to behave. Everything?would be magically easy and all at once I would?always be happy. Maybe after trying this diet or that supplement or seeing that doctor, I would feel fine all at once, and from then on I would ?behave…
And so we stayed mostly unhappy.
I hesistantly asked God to do whatever He needed to do to change my heart. I wasn’t wildly enthusiastic since I knew operations tend to be painful.
Then God started the operation, because although He’d helped me all along, I was now ready to act and learn myself; to change.?He used events in my life to get my attention.
He started by telling me He made me and reminded me He owns time. It woudln’t happen in a day and He didn’t want me flying off in a tantrum because it took longer than a week.
Then He proceeded to show me how?very human I am. And how sinful I am. All the areas I thought I was OK?in, He showed me smears and?smudges.
It was depressing to see how awful I was without Him. But He filled me with hope for what could be by showing me His greatness.
And here, Stepping Heavenward and Little Women inspired?me a lot.?In Little Women, Marmee (Mom) tells Jo her own temper was just as bad. When Jo asks her how she cured it, she tells Jo ‘It took me 40?So I happily give myself 40 years as well. God? He, in fact, gives me a lifetime. How long that will be, I don’t know. But it will be enough, because He always gives enough.
In Stepping Heavenward, it encouraged me that someone who was just as bad as me could learn to become a loving and joyful person, even when?life isn’t easy.
Although really, I hope it won’t take me 40 years.
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